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The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships, by John Gottman
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A groundbreaking, practical program for transforming troubled relationships into positive ones
“This is the best book on relationships I have ever read. . . . John Gottman has decoded the subtle secrets that can either enrich or destroy the quality of our ties with others.” Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D., author of After the Fight: Using Your Disagreements to Build a Stronger Relationship
“John Gottman is our leading explorer of the inner world of relationships. In The Relationship Cure, he has found gold once again.”William J. Doherty, Ph.D., author of Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart
“When he says his five steps will help you build better connections with the people you care about, you know that they have been demonstrated to work.” E. Mavis Heatherington, Ph.D., professor of psychology, University of Virginia
From the country’s foremost relationship expert and New York Times bestselling author Dr. John M. Gottman comes a powerful, simple five-step program, based on twenty years of innovative research, for greatly improving all of the relationships in your life—with spouses and lovers, children, siblings, and even your colleagues at work. In The Relationship Cure, Dr. Gottman:
* Reveals the key elements of healthy relationships, emphasizing the importance of what he calls “emotional connection”
* Introduces the powerful new concept of the emotional “bid,” the fundamental unit of emotional connection
* Provides remarkably empowering tools for improving the way you bid for emotional connection and how you respond to others’ bids
- Sales Rank: #5218 in Books
- Published on: 2002-06-25
- Released on: 2002-06-25
- Original language: English
- Number of items: 1
- Dimensions: 7.90" h x .70" w x 5.20" l, .60 pounds
- Binding: Paperback
- 336 pages
Review
"John Gottman is our leading explorer of the inner world of relationships. In The Relationship Cure, he has found gold once again. This book shows how the simplest, nearly invisible gestures of care and attention hold the key to successful relationships with those we love and work with."
-- William J. Doherty, Ph.D., author of Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart
"This is the best book on relationships I have ever read -- a truly impressive tour-de-force. John Gottman has discovered the Rosetta Stone of relationships. He has decoded the subtle secrets contained in our moment-to-moment communications. By introducing the simple yet amazingly powerful concept of the "bid," he provides a remarkable set of tools for relationship repair. By the middle of the second chapter you're likely to say to yourself, "Oh, so that's what's happening in my relationship with my partner (or colleague, boss, or sister), and now I know what to do about it."
-- Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D.,author of After the Fight: Using Your Disagreements to Build a Stronger Relationship
"The Relationship Cure is another in John Gottman's superb series of books on improving intimate relationships. What distinguishes Gottman's writing from that of other self-help books is that it is based on research findings from his extensive studies. When he says his five steps will help you build better connections with the people you care about, you know that they have been demonstrated to work."
-- E. Mavis Hetherington, Ph.D., professor of psychology, University of Virginia
"The Relationship Cure is both profound and practical, based on decades of research and clinical experience. The rich array of self-exploration exercises and guidelines offers a life-changing program for creating more rewarding emotional connections with friends, colleagues, and life partners."
-- Shirley P. Glass, ABPP, author of Treating the Trauma of Infidelity
"The Relationship Cure is engaging and imaginative. The deceptively simple but powerful concept of the 'emotional bid' reveals ways in which we can connect with significant others in our lives."
-- Andrew Christensen, Ph.D., coauthor of Reconcilable Differences
"I always expect to learn something from John Gottman, and I have never been disappointed. The Relationship Cure is original, insightful, and immensely helpful. I love the concept of emotional bids. Gottman not only helps the reader recognize how he or she may be short circuiting connection and communication, he gives them very good practical advice, as well as examples of wrong and right ways to deal with even the most aggressive or passive partner interaction."
-- Pepper Schwartz, Profesor of Sociology, the University of Washington, Seattle and author of Everything You Know About Love and Sex is Wrong
From the Hardcover edition.
From the Inside Flap
A groundbreaking, practical program for transforming troubled relationships into positive ones
"This is the best book on relationships I have ever read. . . . John Gottman has decoded the subtle secrets that can either enrich or destroy the quality of our ties with others." Daniel B. Wile, Ph.D., author of After the Fight: Using Your Disagreements to Build a Stronger Relationship
"John Gottman is our leading explorer of the inner world of relationships. In The Relationship Cure, he has found gold once again."William J. Doherty, Ph.D., author of Take Back Your Marriage: Sticking Together in a World That Pulls Us Apart
"When he says his five steps will help you build better connections with the people you care about, you know that they have been demonstrated to work." E. Mavis Heatherington, Ph.D., professor of psychology, University of Virginia
From the country's foremost relationship expert and "New York Times bestselling author Dr. John M. Gottman comes a powerful, simple five-step program, based on twenty years of innovative research, for greatly improving all of the relationships in your life--with spouses and lovers, children, siblings, and even your colleagues at work. In The Relationship Cure, Dr. Gottman:
* Reveals the key elements of healthy relationships, emphasizing the importance of what he calls "emotional connection"
* Introduces the powerful new concept of the emotional "bid," the fundamental unit of emotional connection
* Provides remarkably empowering tools for improving the way you bid for emotional connection and how you respond to others' bids
About the Author
JOHN M. GOTTMAN, PH.D., is the cofounder and codirector of the Gottman Institute and the James W. Mifflin Professor of Psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle. His previous books include the New York Times bestseller The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work (Three Rivers Press, 2001).
Most helpful customer reviews
10 of 10 people found the following review helpful.
We went to a counselor who recommended reading pages 27 thru 64
By devotedDad
We have been married 39 years and we were arguing more than getting along. And, of course, sex was out of the question.
We went to a counselor who recommended reading pages 27 thru 64. Within a few weeks after reading, discussing, and acting on these pages our marriage was better than ever. And, no, we did not fill in many of the questionnaires.
I, the husband, discovered that, while my wife's positive expression makes the larger positive difference to our marriage, but it is my mindfulness to her that enables her to make these expressions. I firmly believe that I was not aware of the many times when she wanted my attention, but I was simply unaware.
It is now 4 months after reading the book. The flame has been glowing brightly and we intend to give each other the attention that we deserve.
Did this book save our marriage? Perhaps. It certainly did make us happy again!!!
1 of 1 people found the following review helpful.
One of the few scientifically supported relationship books out there
By Snehurka
Wish it came in a Kindle version. The best book to read if you're struggling with relationships.
This book is a reader friendly overview of Gottman's scientific research on romantic interpersonal relationships. In the past I had read a ton of other relationship books, but none of these were substantiated by published, peer reviewed, scientific research. Since I'm working on my own PhD, at some point the lighbulb went off, and I did some research in the university library on what to read...and found out that Gottman is one of the few well respected academic experts on interpersonal romantic relationships (and other things.) If you look into some of the Interpersonal Communication psychology textbooks, some of them even compare Gottman's research to the gender stereotyped stuff that's out there...well, let's just say I had wasted a lot of money on things like Mars/Venus.
Overall, I was very happy to read this book. It does not deal with gender stereotypes or cookie cutter instructions on how to act like a desirable man or a woman. It also does not make you feel bad for not "understanding the system" or the "other gender" or whatever. Rather, it but substantiates the grown up point of view that we are all individual humans and that you actually have to do some homework - that you have to learn, and be attentive to, the specific ways that your special person communicates his/her needs and emotions, given their specific background and experiences, in your specific relationship.
Not easy to do, and it means work on your part, but it takes away all those "I am not good at this so tell me what to do" feelings that the other amateur hack books out there pray on.
77 of 85 people found the following review helpful.
excellent, very insightful!
By San Diego Reviewer
Read this book and share it with your partner if you can. It is so spot-on about communication, I really wish everyone would read it! The basic premise is explaining how we relate to each other and what happens when we don't respond in a way that potentiates that relationship. It's easy to understand, a great read. I especially recommend it if you are in a relationship that is not going well and BOTH of you are looking for help in fixing it. Read it together. It will help you understand each other. (I only wish it wasn't called The Relationship Cure because it's really about Communication!)
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